Monday, August 18, 2008

Make mine a Michael

Two nights ago, I was in bed trying to sleep. I don't remember if I was praying for sleep to come or just plain hoping that I would fall asleep. When I realized I wasn't doing any and became aware that I wasn't going to fall asleep, I decided to watch old episodes of my favorite sitcom "Girlfriends." Now, if you aren't of African descent you might not know about the show. "Girlfriends" was sort of the African-American response to "Sex and the City". The show chronicles the lives of four African-American women, Joan an attorney turned lounge proprietress, Lynn an aspiring musician and singer, Toni a real estate "mogul," and Maya, Joan's former administrative assistant now turned authoress as she likes to be called.

The show comes up on the CW normally. Since I wasn't sure of the exact url for the CW I just did a search for girlfriends. Now, I wasn't sure what to expect, any number of things could have come up. The network doesn't have a monopoly on the term, besides it's not quite as cut and dry as say searching for "Frasier" or "Gossip Girl." What came up however on the search shocked me. The server pulled up modified searches of all sorts for "Michael Phelps' girlfriend." Oh no it didn't! Normally, I would have cared to check but I was too tired to care about who the young olympian was dating so I just went ahead and watched my show.

So what's all this buzz about Michael Phelps? Sure he has won more gold medals than I can count on my fingers and half my toes, he is over six feet tall, he has an adoring mother and he sure isn't bad looking. Usually searches on Yahoo! will pull up the most commonly requested key word. So, it seems like a lot of ladies have been searching to see who the young Phelps is dating. I haven't done my research yet, but I kind of feel bad for these girls. Let's be logical here, what are their chances really?

Michael Phelps may or may not have a girlfriend. I haven't checked and will not. But I want to go with the assumption that he doesn't. So for those searching let's examine their chances. Phelps is all the way in China right now. In Beijing to be precise. I don't know what the rules are for the athletes but I bet they aren't spending the bulk of their time staring at ancient ruins or sampling restaurants. Besides he is surrounded by his team mates, coaches, doctors, and other specialists most of the time. Once the games are over, he is likely to return back to the United States. I'm not sure what his life back here is like, but seriously what are the odds for a young girl searching in Pueblo, Colorado?

So why all these searches! The boy doesn't even know half these girls exist. I'm using the term girls loosely though. Some of them may be grandmas for all I know. Michael is one of several billion people on this planet. And the chances of meeting him unless properly executed are few and far between. But I wouldn't rule it out completely. If someone can get into Anderson Cooper's hotel room, then "ain't no mountain high enough." These women will do anything, including buy a ticket and fly all the way to China for a chance with the Phelps.

Do I like Michael Phelps? I like his first name though. He reminds me of my other famous Michael's. Michael Jordan, Michael Johnson, and the favorite of all; Michael Jackson. "Dear Michael Jackson, let me count the ways I love thee. I love thee for thy Neverland Ranch, I love thee for thy high water pants. I love thee for thy sweet, sweet voice, but most of all I love thee for thy nose so slim!" Funny right, but I love Michael Phelps as much as I love the other Michael's.

Michael Phelps is a great olympian and definitely seems like a great kid. However, the craze about him though warranted is severely abnormal. If he were the kid toting around a bottle of perfume at the Abercrombie and Fitch store, some girls would be moved. On the other hand, if he was a manager of the grocery store down the street few girls would notice. So, why all the hype now? He is on television, he's famous now and may have some money to buy some girl a designer purse. Now, they all want him. Wait till I become famous and there will be a ruckus. I'm sure I'll see people hiding in my closet, the trunk of my car and other weird spaces. So, people... I would join in the search to see if I may be the lucky Mrs. Phelps, but sadly I'm not dating younger men right now.

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